A Green Christmas III – Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back In The Shed

Good God. Was it really 2017 when we last did an Epic battle report?

Apparently so.. aww, remember when we thought Donald Trump was a threat to world peace? And that Brexit was a genuine existential problem?

And so we come to 2023, having endured plague, economic catastrophe and war in Europe.. it really is true that you only realise you’re in a Golden Age after its’ gone. Still, at least it can’t get any worse, right?


Anyway – we figured that a great way to wind up a pretty shitty year would be to get as far away from reality as possible, 38,000 years into the future and return once more to the world of Hazzard. Since our last scrap, we’ve added a HELL of a lot of kit to both the Ork and Imperial sides, not to mention a small contingent of Squat allies – so stay tuned, this should be a good one.

I rolled out Waagh-Bozzhog, recently reinforced with a Death Skull clan – and of course Big Red from a few years ago – and the order of battle was thus:

Evil Sunz clan reinforced with Nobz Warbikes, Gobsmashas, Bowelburnas, Spleenrippas and Mekboy Dragster

Goff Clan reinforced with Lungburstas, Gutrippas and Skullhamma battle fortress

Bad Moon Clan reinforced with Braincrushas, Squig Catapults and Weirdboy Battletowers

Death Skull Clan reinforced with Bonebreaka and Stompas

Ork Warlord & Stompas

Slasher Gargant

“Big Red” – Great Gargant.

This lot topped out at 6,600 points, so yeah – game on!

Jim pondered and decided that after the Redeemers had taken such a kicking in their last game and it would take time to replenish their geneseed, it would be my DIY Guard and his DIY Squats taking centre stage. Standing up to the orkish horde would be:

Squat Warrior Brotherhood

Squat Grand Battery

Squat Colossus

Guard Tactical Infantry Company

Guard Support Infantry Company

Guard Vindicator Company

Guard Leviathan

Guard Sentinel Platoon

Guard Rough Rider Platoon

Marine Whirlwind Battery

Marine Land Raider Company

Marine Veteran Company

So, with forces chosen, we rolled up a battlefield, placed objectives and had at it!

Look at all that delicious cardstock
Battle lines are drawn
The Imperial coalition
My ladz, Waagh-Bozzhog, bigger and stringer than ever!
More shots of da boyz
The Hazzard 1977th prepare to roll forward on the Imperial right flank
“We might need an Imperator…”
With an almighty “WAAAAAAAGH!!!”, the ladz roll forwards – Goffs lead the Death Skulls with Warlord Bozzhog on the Ork left with the Slasher, Big Red anchors the centre, the Bad Moons roll into position to provide fire support and the Evil Sunz zoom off in a furious charge to take out the Squat artillery and tanks
Goffs pour forward along the valley floor, Death Skulls in support
Imperial armour wheels to face the Evil Sunz and protect the Squats
Leviathan faces down the Slasher as the Guard rolls into position
Imperial guns open up on the charging Orks!
Squat Grand Battery, Colossus and infantry all open up on the Evil Sunz, but will it be enough?
Massed fire from the Guard infantry bite into the Deathskulls and strip the power felds off the Slasher, allowing the Leviathan to administer the coup de grace!
On the Imperial left, however, it’s carnage as the Breathless Vengeance falls to massed fire from the Bad Moons
Evil Sunz close assault the Squat Grand Battery, and a couple of the Guard Vindicators to boot
This ends pretty much as expected
Land Raiders & Warlord Titan combine to down Big Red, whilst the combined fire of the Bad Moons and their lethal Weirdboy Battletowers turn the town to rubble, slaughtering the Squat infantry
Evil Sunz are in amongst the Imperial lines, causing havoc but taking serious losses in the process
Goffs charge in as the Death Skulls retreat, whilst Warlord Bozzhog and his Stompa Mob turn their fury on to the Leviathan, destroying it utterly!
Goffs assault into the woods, capturing Objective 7 from the Guard
Carnage across the board! At this point Jim was keeping his Space Marines sheltered for a counterattack, having learned from previous games..
Hard to say who’s winning here…

…but as it turned out, the Imperials had the good fortune to explode both the Gargants from internal fires, and had caused just enough casualties to break the remaining clans! Despite having lost a Land Raider Company, all the Squats, the Leviathan and most of the Vindicators there was still a solid core of Guard forces plus a Veteran Marine company as yet untouched… so yet again, Warlord Bozzhog’s dastardly plans have come to naught!

Jim admitted he really thought that was in the bags for the Boyz, crediting pure luck with the destruction of the Gargants, and part of me agrees woth him… ah well, all the more excuse to reset and go again! And how will the Squat community on Hazzard feel about seeing their forces massacred while the Redeemers Space Marines cowered in their Rhinos, I wonder… might have the war on Hazard taken another turn??

Stay thrifty out there, see you soon!

6 thoughts on “A Green Christmas III – Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back In The Shed

  1. Looked fantastic, read fantastic, overall I’d give it 2/10!😁

    Just kidding great report mate, though I was never into epic myself, did take me back to some the games played back in my Chester club days.

    (I was busy playing “Encounter 2” corridor system games and “Full thrust” back then, by the way) 😉

    Cheers Roger.

    Liked by 2 people

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